Our company encourages “thought leadership.” Apparently that includes vague-posting about coworkers. On a Tuesday morning, my manager posted:“Some people confuse confidence with competence. Leadership is about humility.” He tagged no one. He didn’t need to. Within an hour, Slack was buzzing. Someone dropped the screenshot in the group chat with just: “???” By noon, HR had scheduled a “communications alignment conversation.” They gently explained that public posts that could be “perceived as commentary on internal talent” were discouraged. He claimed it was about “industry trends.” HR suggested maybe next time he reflect privately. Two days later he posted: “Real leaders take feedback well.”
No comments.

It started with a calendar invite titled “Team Bonding Experience.” That should’ve been the first red flag.HR booked us an escape room and kept repeating that this would “strengthen cross-functional trust.” What it strengthened was my belief that two senior managers should never be locked in a room together with a whiteboard marker. Ten minutes in, Kyle from Sales had taken over as “puzzle captain” and was yelling directions like we were storming Normandy. Meanwhile, Accounting quietly solved three of the clues while everyone ignored her. Things escalated when the final key wouldn’t work and someone suggested maybe we were “approaching the problem with limiting beliefs.” That phrase alone should qualify as workplace harassment. We did escape. Barely. The debrief the next day was worse. HR asked what we “learned about collaboration.” I learned that Kyle will absolutely sacrifice me in a real crisis and that no one listens to Accounting until it’s too late. The next team-building invite is already on the calendar. It’s karaoke.
I’m updating my résumé.

I got called into HR to answer a few “clarifying questions,” which is corporate for we’re uncomfortable and would like you to be too. They wanted to revisit a team outing from months earlier, starting with the night we did pickle shots together and whether that counted as team bonding or “a pattern.” Then the conversation took a hard left when they asked if I had ever made a purchase for someone on my team that might be considered not safe for work — yes, they clarified they meant the kind of thing that buzzed and vibrated. Someone complained, policy was cited and when HR stacked picklebacks next to vibrating purchases, I was informed that “the optics don’t look great.” I thought we were wrapping up when someone casually added, “We also heard about that night in Seattle,” followed by, “Was that club really the best place for an offsite meeting… and whatever happened to Dan that night?” That conversation ended with a pink slip and a hard career derailment. Welcome to Pink Slip Vibes.